Monday, May 30, 2016

The Moral of the Little Americana Hen

Grandmothers will go to any length to give her grandchildren things they wish for.  On Saturday, my granddaughter told me that after three years, she has one surviving chicken.  The hen she called her “special needs” chicken, because she was born with a birth defect, needed a playmate.  Since I had recently gotten rid of all my chickens, I didn’t know how I was going to fulfill her wish.
(Meet the Church Lady)
On Sunday, George and I went through the McDonald’s drive-thru in Forsyth to get a biscuit before church.  There we saw the hen in the picture above darting in and out of cars.  I saw two cars parked in the lot, side-by-side, obviously doing a child exchange.  I could tell these people were not from around here.  I saw the little hen take off in a fast run and head straight for a lady who had exited the car.  I knew chaos was about to ensue!  The little hen was only asking for help, but the lady was squealing, jumping and flailing her hands.  That caused the rest of the occupants to run to her aid.  I yelled out the window to them, “It’s okay.  Our McDonald’s serves fresh chicken.”  She ran under one of the cars and I watched as they yelled and waved their arms at her.  I was enjoying the show!

It gets better.  A door was open and the little hen jumped in their car.  I could tell the last thing they would do was touch the hen.  I yelled again, “Do you need help?”  That was met with a resounding, “Yes!”  I reached inside the car and picked her up without incident.  As I walked away, they were still in shock and I knew that was one visit to Forsyth’s McDonalds they would never forget.

With the hen cradled in my arms, I realized I had a problem.  What am I going to do with the hen while I’m in church?  Of course, she had to go to church with us!  I didn’t actually take her inside, although I thought about it.  I gave her water, cracked all the windows and left her in the car.  After the service, I returned to the car.  She was so grateful she had given me a present…an egg! 

I was excited to tell my Granddaughter that I had gotten her a beautiful Americana breed hen.  She knows me so well she didn’t even seem surprised when I told her the great rescue story.  She was more impressed with the fact I took her to church.  She immediately named her “Church Lady.”

This is more than just a sweet story.  It has a moral.  In his column last week in the Reporter, Mr. Curlee spewed hate towards my Little Red Hen I had written about in my previous column.  He said she was like all Democrats; moochers and leeches who want everything for free.  As I watched this Americana hen happily settled in her new home this morning, I knew she represented other Americans who get lost, displaced and frightened.  All they need is a “hand-up.” When she tried to get help, she was met with rejection and would surely have died if someone had not intervened.   This hen is not a Democrat or a Republican.  She is an American. 

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Marilyn and the Monroe County Reporter are Divorced


Friends, I have severed my relationship with the Monroe County Reporter and you will no longer see my Unfair and Unbalanced Column there.  However, I would like to ask if my column made you laugh, made you glad, or made you mad as hell, please follow me on my Unfair and Unbalanced Facebook Page that connects to my Blog.  

Two years ago when I retired, the Editor of the Monroe County Reporter, Forsyth, GA, asked me to write an Op Ed Column presenting the liberal perspective of events and issues in his very right wing newspaper.  He felt that his readers wanted a “balance.”  Having never been a professional writer, just a hobbyist, I agreed in spite of all the warnings by my friends about this editor. 

I threw my heart and soul into writing creative, fresh, columns.  My readership grew and I received glowing comments from people everywhere I went in Monroe County.  I spent two, sometimes three days doing research and writing my column.  Oh, did I tell you I did it all for free?  My compensation was a free subscription to the newspaper that I had never cared to read in the first place.

So why did I do it?  Because I felt Democrats and liberals always get short shrift in print media. To my knowledge, I was the ONLY liberal Op Ed writer in a Georgia weekly newspaper.  Albeit a small voice, it did give some people satisfaction to know they were not the only person in our community that shared their values.  There are always two sides to a story and people deserve to hear both.  I wish I had a quarter for every time someone told me, “I don’t always agree with you but I enjoy your columns.”  One outspoken Republican told me, “I enjoy your columns.  I don’t agree with hardly anything you say but will defend your right to say it to the death.”

I liken my relationship to the MCR to a marriage.  Some people were saying the marriage wouldn’t last a month.  We took our vows.  He promised to never edit my submission and that he understood I would not participate in a point-counterpoint.  After the honeymoon period, little disagreements started popping up when my column would not be printed in the paper.  The Editor would say, “I just needed more space.”  I felt not printing me was the highest form of editing.  We separated several times. Realizing this may not be a marriage made in heaven, I opened a secret savings account of sorts…a Blog, that I used for my column archives and shared with people who mostly did not live in Monroe County.

After nearly a year, MCR found a like-minded friend that represented everything I was not, who based his column on my creative work.  When I agreed on this marriage, I expected lots of disagreement, but I did not expect it to be so vicious within the household.  The MCR said he would take care of it.  Things improved except for my occasional complaint concerning the blatant racist statements by his friend.  I was embarrassed to be that closely situated to comments of that nature.

Like any marriage in distress, it started with a bunch of little things and then culminated in a big thing!  First, my column was not printed.  Then, he accused me of infidelity due to my Facebook and Blog.  He said this would cause reader dissatisfaction for the MCR.  I pointed out that I had been doing it for two years and it appeared the paper was doing quite nicely.  I reluctantly made the concession to post on my FB page and Blog after Wednesday.  I thought we had made up, especially after he contacted me on Monday morning indicating he was going to print my column submitted the week before and never printed.  Surprise, Surprise!  MCR said again he needed more space.  I considered letting it go, but when I asked him if in the future he would be fair to me and alternate between “bumping” his friend and I, he would not even answer the question.  So, I filed for divorce.  On Wednesday when I read his friend’s column and it was crafted on my column two weeks ago, and when the MCR told me a “back and forth” disagreement was good for MCR, the divorce was finalized. 

Unlike most divorces, in this divorce you can remain friends with both of us.  Now that I don’t have the constraints of print media, I plan on taking on other issues and keeping content fresh and timely.  Since FB allows for comments, I’m looking forward to open discussions about issues of concern for Monroe County, our State, and our Nation.  I’m sure I’ll throw in a few “It can only happen to Marilyn” posts.  Please join me by “Liking” my Unfair and Unbalanced FB Page.  We’re going to have a long and crazy summer!



Saturday, May 21, 2016

Girls, Now You Can Pee Standing Up

Every now and then, I run across a new invention or product improvement and I get so excited I want to share it with everyone. Like the time I bought a can of Crisco, popped off the plastic lid, and there was a foil pull-tab top. I was deliriously happy and called up all my friends. Prior to that improvement, opening a can of Crisco was sheer torture, especially with a manual can opener.

Imagine how I felt when I found the invention of every girl’s dream?

Admit it, girls. It’s happened to every one of us. You’re hiking a trail, camping, or traveling on an uninhabited road. Then it hits you. Penis Envy! When you gotta go, you gotta go. Men never have to worry in advance about bathroom facilities. As long as they have a tree, they have a place to pee. Women, on the other hand, have to do a lot of advance planning when venturing to an area with no facilities. Women who can squat don’t suffer as much. I was once a good squatter but I couldn’t squat now if you held a gun to my head. You’ll be happy to know that stressing over out-door peeing is over.

It’s called Go-Girl. It’s a female urination device, FUD for short. I could go on and on telling you all about it but you have to see it for yourself. Go-Girls are now sold at Target stores in the Sporting Goods Department for $9.99. I guarantee you will be impressed, especially if you’re not a squatter. Just know that you can now stand up and pee on a tree.

So you see, an invention this good needs to be shared.  Pick up a couple for your friends and share this post on Facebook! This FUD may also be the answer to the transgender bathroom issue.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Trump Says John McCain is Not a War Hero But Avoiding STD's Was His Personal Vietnam

Sorry readers.  No humor here this week.  This is a dead serious subject.  Yes, I am a Democrat, but first and foremost, I am a patriotic American. There are some issues that all God fearing people who love this country have always agreed on regardless of sex, race, color, creed, or political party.  All Americans know the criteria for being declared a war hero.  There are just some things that should never be said about a war hero!

Donald Trump, July 2015 – “He (John McCain) was a war hero because he got captured. I like people who were not captured.”
Donald Trump, July 2015- When asked about McCain’s loss to Obama in 2008, he said, “He (John McCain) is a loser.  I don’t like losers.”
Donald Trump, May, 2016 - When asked last week if he regrets his comments about McCain, he said, “I don’t, you know, I like not to regret anything.  What I said, frankly, is what I said.  Many people liked what I said.  You know, after I said that my poll numbers went up seven points.”

Let’s compare these two men. Decide for yourself if you can look yourself in the mirror if you vote for Donald Trump.

John McCain, 1960’s – After graduating the Naval Academy, McCain completed flight school and became a naval pilot.  In 1962, he was on the USS Enterprise enforcing the quarantine during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  He flew Skyraiders with the “World Famous Flying Tigers” on aircraft carriers.  When the Vietnam War escalated, McCain requested a combat assignment. 

Donald Trump, 1960’s – Trump attended Fordham University, the only school that accepted him.  He was a standout on campus, not for his academic acumen, but for his fancy clothes, fancy car, and his extreme family wealth.  He left after nearly two years for the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton School of Business.  When the Vietnam War escalated, Trump requested four deferments from the draft. 

John McCain, July, 1967/70’s- McCain was in a jet when the great fire on the USS Forrestal took place.  When the bomb went off, McCain was hit with shrapnel and received burns.
October 1967, while on a bombing raid over Hanoi, after releasing his bombs, he was shot down and seriously wounded ejecting from his aircraft.  He broke two arms and a leg and nearly drowned in the lake where he landed.  Some North Vietnamese soldiers pulled him out of the water where a mob gathered.  They spat on him, kicked him, crushed his shoulder with a rifle butt and bayoneted him.  He was not expected to live a week.  He was refused medical treatment and taken to the main POW prison where he was beaten and interrogated repeatedly. He was finally given minimal medical treatment after they learned his father was a high-ranking Navy Admiral. The beatings continued and he experienced unspeakable pain.  In their attempt to create a great propaganda coup, the North Vietnamese offered this high profile POW a release.  McCain refused because the US Code of Conduct was “first in, first out.”  He was then placed in solitary confinement for two years.  He was bound and beaten every two hours, while suffering from dysentery.

Donald Trump, July, 1968/70’s- Trump graduated Wharton and received an eligible for draft notice.  After his medical exam, he was given a medical deferment.  Poor little fella had a bone spur in his foot (he doesn’t remember which foot).  His father gave him the Trump Organization.  He also was benefactor to his father’s political power in New York and access to his wealth.

John McCain, 1973 – After five and half years of torture and confinement, McCain was released.  He was awarded 17 military awards and decorations for actions, before, during, and after being a POW.  Upon return he had 3 operations, 3 months in the hospital, and 9 months of grueling therapy. When asked how he survived and why he was so defiant as a POW, he said, “I believe in causes greater than self interest.”

Donald Trump, 1973 – Trump was sued by the Justice Department for violating the Federal Fair Housing Act.  His company was discriminating against Blacks and other minorities.  This suit was the largest ever at that time. 

Donald Trump, 1997-When discussing Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD’s), with Howard Stern, Trump said, “This is my personal Vietnam.  It’s scary, like Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.” 

I feel a vote for Trump is a vote against our military, veterans, and the core values of our America.  But you decide for yourself.

Friday, May 6, 2016

THE LITTLE RED HEN--Starring Bernie & Hillary

All of us remember the folk tale of the Little Red Hen.  When the Little Red Hen found a grain of wheat, she asked all the other barnyard animals if they would help her plant it.  They all spoke a resounding “Not I!”  Throughout the process she asked for help to harvest, thresh, mill it into flour, and finally, to bake it.  She still got no assistance.  When the bread was baked, she asked who would help her eat it.  All of the barnyard animals responded, “I will!”  The Little Red Hen says, “No, I will eat the bread!”

The moral of this story is if you don’t participate in producing something, you should not reap the benefits of the fruits of the labor of those that volunteered.  I remind you of this tale to make the point that the Little Red Hen (Hillary) has worked 40 years building the Democratic Party, fundraising for the State Democratic Parties, and helping individual candidates.  When the hard work of the Little Red Hen (Hillary) is about to pay off (bread is baked), along comes the Sly Silver Fox (Bernie) and says he will eat the bread (enjoy the benefits of the Democratic Party). 

The Sly Silver Fox (Bernie) is not even a member of the barnyard (Democrat).  He is a self-avowed Socialist and never helped the Democratic Party or its candidates, and certainly never helped the Little Red Hen (Hillary) bake the bread. Bernie has given a whopping total of $1,000 to the Democratic Party.  This election cycle, Hillary has given a total of $4.5 million to State Democratic Parties.  She has an additional $9 million in her Victory Fund to use for the general election campaign to help candidates up and down the ballot. 

But it’s not all about the money for the Sly Silver Fox, (Bernie).  He wants to eat all the barnyard animals (Super Delegates).  These are members of the barnyard (Democratic Party) who have been the backbone of the Party, many of whom have been helped throughout the years by the Little Red Hen (Hillary).  The barnyard animals (Super Delegates) will not abandon the Little Red Hen (Hillary) when the bread is baked.  The barnyard animals (Super Delegates) are loyal to the Little Red Hen. 

The Sly Silver Fox (Bernie) asked the barnyard animals (Super Delegates) if they would go with him.  They all enthusiastically responded, “No, I’m with her.  Go back to where you and Jane spent your honeymoon (Russia).”

The news cycle moved so fast last week I couldn’t keep up with it.  Cruz dropped out of the Republican primary. (Sorry Will).  Kasich dropped out.  (Sorry Ohio).  Sanders vowed not to drop out.  (Sorry Hillary).  Trump is now the presumptive Republican nominee.  (Sorry America). 

I admit I never thought Trump would make it this far and I’m scared to death.  Whether he wins or loses, our country is the big loser.  We have spent years fighting for equal rights and making hate speech unacceptable. In one election cycle, Donald Trump has changed the personality and values of our nation.  Now “anything goes!” As bad and shocking as the discourse has been, I fear we “ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

The only winners I see here are cable news networks, MSNBC, CNN, and FOX.  It’s all Trump, all day and night.  “Breaking News.  Donald Trump just burped!”  (You know I wanted to use another word but I self-censored—unlike Trump). 

My regular readers know that I’ve been tough on Governor Deal.  Now twice in one month, Governor Deal has done the right thing instead of pandering to the extreme right wing of the Republican Party.  He vetoed the discriminatory Religious Freedom bill and now he has vetoed the controversial campus-carry bill.  I hoping that this lame duck Republican Governor will do the right thing again and save our rural hospitals.

Heads up!  The High Falls Volunteer Fire Department needs your help.  Their annual BBQ and Yard Sale is coming up Memorial Day weekend, May 28-29.  They are in dire need of donated items to sell.  You can drop your unwanted items off at the High Falls Fire Station at any time.  If you have any questions, please call the non-emergency number at the Fire Station.