Friday, November 13, 2015
I Don't Give a flying doughnut about the Starbuck's Cup
You don’t miss something until you need it. That’s the only way I can explain why I never realized that complimentary seating has disappeared from department stores. I have endured a year-long saga with my knees. Thanks to Dr. Dana Peterman and her great staff at Healing Arts Physical Therapy in Forsyth, I am finally able to go shopping unassisted. Although my knees are working properly, I still need to build my stamina.
Last week I was having a rack attack and there’s not a better place to feed that craving than Belk Department Store when they are having a big sale. After about thirty minutes, I realized that I was exhausted and needed to rest a moment. I started looking for a place to sit down. I was incredulous that throughout the entire clothing section, there was not a single place to rest. I finally found a place, IN MY CAR! I literally shopped ‘til I dropped.
I’m not picking on Belk, as I now understand that most stores have removed chairs that used to be available for people that need to sit. It’s a conspiracy! It’s a war on the infirm! I’m sure Obama is responsible for this! Where’s my buddy The Reverend Al, Al Sharpton, when you need him?
I called the manager of Belk and asked him “Why don’t you have chairs for your customers in case they get tired?” He said, “We have to use the space for merchandise.” I told him, “I would have spent a lot more money if I had a chair for two minutes.” He then told me that I should have asked a store employee and they would have gotten one from somewhere. I thought, but didn’t say, “ Are you kidding? Store employees are almost as scarce as chairs.”
I think there is something far more sinister to this disappearing chair issue than a space problem. I will continue to investigate. In the meantime, if you are in a store and can’t find a chair, DEMAND one (if you can find a store employee.)
By now you must be wondering why I’m telling you this. I thought it might help you understand how a liberal thinks. It’s issues of this nature that I care about. I could give a flying doughnut what design is on a Starbuck’s cup. Besides, our new Dunkin’ Donuts has snowflakes and snowmen on their cups if that’s important to you.
Nothing new happened in the Presidential circus this week. Donald Trump is perfecting his stand-up comedy routine on the Iowa crowd. He spent 95 minutes telling an audience last Thursday that “I’m a good Christian. Everybody knows that.” “I’m gonna fix things. Everybody knows that.” “Ben Carson has pathological disease. He says so in his book.” “Five minutes in a bathroom can’t cure that.” I give his speech a “thumps up” for its hilarity. I particularly liked the part where he first appeared to be undressing when he demonstrated how a belt buckle wouldn’t stop a knife. You can’t pay for entertainment like that.
The Republicans had their fifth debate last week. Carly Fiorina did nothing to dissuade me that she is not an Avatar. John Kasich pointed out the ridiculousness of Trump’s mass roundup of eleven million Mexicans. I liked that, but evidently the right-wing focus groups did not. When the feasibility of doing such a thing was questioned, Trump pointed to Dwight Eisenhower’s mass deportation in 1954 called “Operation Wetback.” He intimated that it had to be a good thing because it was a plan by a nice guy as evidenced by his slogan, “I Like Ike.” Can things get any more bizarre?
Yes they can. Ben Carson spent his week trying to convince voters that he did in fact try to kill his mother with a hammer and he did try to murder someone by stabbing them with a knife in the stomach. He blamed the liberal media for questioning what he said in his own words, in his own book.
The Veterans Day observance at the courthouse last Wednesday was a top-notch tribute to Monroe County veterans and all veterans who served our country. If you missed it, put it on your calendar for next year, 11-11 at 11 a.m.