Friday, April 17, 2015

Scooby Van, Guns, and Magical Potholes

As soon as I submit my column for the upcoming edition, I immediately ask myself, “What ya gonna write about next week?”  It’s a process that involves many random thoughts that are eventually cast aside in favor of my most pressing irritant of the week.  However, this week, I have decided to share some of those thoughts that darted through my head.

 I haven’t heard of a single sighting of Hillary using the bathroom at a roadside rest area or some danky gas station. She just completed a thousand mile trip traveling from New York to Iowa.  Therefore, I concluded that Hillary’s Scooby van must have a toilet in it.  That is a big campaign blunder.  If the goal is to humanize Hillary, what better way than to have a lady speaking into a microphone, “Yes, I heard her tinkling just like we do.”

Speaking of sightings, I have yet to hear of even a glimpse of our new County Commissioner, Jarod Lovett, visiting in High Falls.  Actually, he took office in January so the “new” title is wearing off.   Mr. Commissioner, you are missing out on the most beautiful part of the county.   We call it “magical” because things disappear…into big ole potholes that our County Commissioner is responsible for fixing. 

The High Falls Dollar General was robbed by two shotgun toting, mask wearing idiots last week.  (By the way, they were not local to High Falls).   Evidently their entrance was well rehearsed but they didn’t put much thought into their get-away.  I was surprised that this robbery did not result in a shoot-out between patrons and the robbers.  It’s commonplace to see males swaggering into Dollar General with a weapon on their hip.  I asked an employee if armed customers were un-nerving.  She said, “Sort-of.”  Then I asked, “How do you tell the good guys from the bad guys?”  She said, “Just gut instinct, I guess.”  I think it’s abhorrent that these hard-working, poorly paid employees have to feel unease and fear when they are only trying to eke out a living.  Thank you Governor Deal, Georgia Legislature, and the NRA for the Guns Everywhere Law. 

The high cost of entertainment is really bugging me.  In today’s economy, there are fewer and fewer affordable entertainment opportunities.  For George and I, going to a movie is like budgeting for a vacation in the ole days.  Two tickets, popcorn, drinks, and that’s about $40.  Throw in a dinner after the movie.  That adds up to nearly a Benjamin. If you start saving now, you may be able to take your family to the opening of the new Star Wars movie on Christmas Day. 

In the meantime, I have found a way to drastically lower your entertainment budget.  Attend the Monroe County Commissioner’s Meeting!  This newspaper makes the meetings sound so fun and entertaining, we should all go there for our “date nights.”  It’s absolutely FREE!  I must warn you, though, it is rated PG-language. 

What in the world is going on in the City of Forsyth?  I don’t have a dog in this fight but it boggles my mind that you elected a Mayor and City Council.  You pay them to be your government.  They in turn, asked the Georgia General Assembly to relieve them of all their power and duties in favor of one person, a city manager, to make all the decisions.   I am obviously not privy to any insider info regarding this action, but as an outsider, it seems very bizarre.   Be happy you have a city and if your elected officials don’t want to perform, replace them with some who do.  Here in High Falls, we would settle for a Monroe County zip code. 

Now that I’ve managed to tick off so many people, I will leave you with this one final thought.  April showers, bring May flowers.  Or it used to before climate change.

Marilyn Langford

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